Why Is Anal Sex Taboo?
Everyone is trying to jump on the anal train because when done properly, anal can be quite magical. But before you try anal with your partner, there are some very important things you need to know.
If you want to have anal sex, and do it correctly so everyone can have a great time, we need to address the elephant in the room: Shame.
The reality of the situation is that anal sex is still highly stigmatized and seen as “dirty” in our culture. We’re making strides towards acceptance, but to say we’re all good with taking the dirt road home would be inaccurate and misleading.
Here’s everything you need to know about the taboo nature of anal sex, why anal play is actually amazing, and how to do it safely.
Why All The Stigma?
Anal sex is stigmatized because it doesn’t fit into the narrative that PIV intercourse is the “best” and “most natural” kind of sex. We’re told that we should stay as sexually inactive as possible until we’re in a long-term relationship or marriage. If we deviate from these scripts, we’re bad and wrong.
This is complete BS.
Obviously there is a lot of stuff on the internet about anal sex but most of what you’ll find is, you guessed it, porn. When we don’t discuss anal sex (or anal play in general), porn becomes education.
Porn is highly stylized and does not align with our IRL sexual experiences in a vast majority of cases. Trying to learn how to have sex from porn is like trying to learn how to cook by watching Chopped.
At the same time, the stigma surrounding anal may be the reason why some people get aroused from it. The fact that you’re doing something you’re “not supposed” to do can be really hot. This is true for a lot of “wrong” sex acts like BDSM, role play or group sex. Anything that society tells us we shouldn’t do makes us want it more.
The Fact That Anal Sex Is So Taboo Can Be Straight Up Dangerous
Stigma and shame just leads people to engage in anal without knowing what they’re doing. The anus is very sensitive. It doesn’t lube up or naturally stretch the way a vagina does.
If you go for anal sex immediately, without any warm up, you’re going to hurt someone. You risk tearing, anal fissures, or a trip to the ER. Hiding things away in the shadows doesn’t make people not do them, it only makes them do it in an unsafe way.
There is nothing wrong with anal, but it NEEDS to be done with care.
How To Do Butt Stuff Safely
The first thing to consider when you’re venturing into anal territory is how an anus becomes a pleasure zone for both genders. People of all (or no) genders have a butt hole and it is a potential erogenous zone for everyone.
There is a common misconception that because the anus is not a closed canal like the vagina, you should stick things up as far as they can go. This is not the case.
You don’t need to shove anything super far up to feel sensation. Most of the anal nerves are within the first two inches of the anal opening. This is a nerve-rich area that can be easily stimulated with fingers.
But before diving in, you need to understand that lube is your golden ticket for all things anal-play. It doesn’t matter what you read on Reddit - spit is not an option during butt stuff. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate the same way a vagina does, which makes lube essential with anal activity.
Be sure to get yourself some reliable lube. The wetter the better. If you don’t use lube, you risk hurting your partner by possibly tearing something. Hard pass.
Also be sure to always use a condom, if you’re not aware of your partner’s current STI status. The delicate tissue of the anus is vulnerable to STIs, so it’s better to be safe than sorry.
In the beginning, you should start with one well-lubed finger, then move to two. You can even introduce small butt plugs. The anus is not a muscle that naturally stretches to allow objects inside of it. We know exactly what its primary physical function is, and it’s not an entryway. It needs to be gently stretched and kneaded.
Anal training can take anywhere from a few hours to a few months. Be patient. If you move too quickly, you could wind up in serious pain. The chances of getting to try anal again once you’ve hurt someone are slim to none, so practice carefully.
Ready to explore anal with your partner? Be sure to bring protection and lubrication on your next adventure. Check out the best condoms & lube on earth., P.S. Condoms. Let the good times unroll.
Check out the this article about the most popular sex fetishes.