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Haven’t Had Sex With Your Partner in a While? This Can Help

Is sex with your partner starting to feel like a chore you’d rather put off for another time? Perhaps it's been a minute since you last had some? Well, it's totally relatable and happens to the best of us. Sex is no doubt an important part of the human experience and perhaps is nature’s greatest gift. If you have found yourself stuck in a no-sex rut and want to get out, we’ve compiled some suggestions that will help you and your partner navigate your way back to the best sex ever. 

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But first things first, what are the signs your sex life is taking a nosedive?

Sexual complacency is a term used interchangeably with “sexual rut”. It refers to a state where a person has sex as a routine. For a couple, you wind up having the same old sex all the time such that neutrality develops around your sexual desires. This neutrality ends up decreasing your sex frequency over time. 

Where Does It Begin?

Understanding where sexual complacency comes from is critical in figuring a way out of it. Several factors can force a relationship into a sexual rut cycle. Such factors include fatigue, medication, stress, alcohol, substance use, and underlying emotional struggles.

If you've been in a long-term relationship, then you’re no stranger to sexual ruts. As you get past your honeymoon stage, you and your partner encounter various challenges. Unlike initial dates where you hid your stress and struggles to impress, you begin sharing each other's experiences. Though this is vital for a healthy relationship, daily experiences and stresses kill libido. In the end, your sex life may be less than satisfactory. 

If you’re struggling to connect with your partner in your sexual relationship, consider the following:

Create Anticipation

If you're in a sexual complacency cycle, sex has become potentially predictable and mind-numbing. A quick way to shake things up is by building anticipation for new stuff. For example, you can tell your partner you have a surprise for them but they have to wait. You can prepare to engage in a new activity but don’t tell your partner when or where to expect it. The anticipation is guaranteed to drive both of you nuts.

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Reframe Your Goals

Think about what enjoyable sex is for you. This could include an enhanced connection, your partner’s pleasure, or feeling closeness to your partner. Having sex with positive outcomes in mind could improve your sex life and sexual desire. 

Think beyond desire! If you want a sex life that is exciting all the way through, drop the notions of always desiring sex. Avoid focusing on who is or isn’t in the mood. Instead, commit to significant periods of arousal generation; ranging from watching porn together, giving massages, or even just kissing. 

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Stimulate Your Senses

While most people are born with five senses (hearing, taste, sight, smell, touch), Sari, a New York-based sex therapist, explains that emotional and psychological senses are important too. Each individual has their peak senses that result in better arousal. Test intriguing ways to arouse yourself by stimulating the three senses that arouse you the most. Then share your discoveries with your partner.

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Get Some Sex Ed

Think about getting more sexual education with your partner. Besides your school’s sex education, it doesn't hurt to practice the basics with your partner. Shopping for sex toys together, online or in-person, is an exciting way to boost your desire. The anticipation you build in the process is good for your libido. During shopping you find yourselves discussing your specific pleasures that in turn will enhance your sex life. 

Sexting can also enhance the mood. The most critical sex organ is the mind; so make sure you send your partner that sexy text. This is an intriguing way to connect with them and bridge the distance between you. Let them know they are on your mind, constantly.

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Your sex life has not always been in a rut. There was a time when your sex life was an energetic, adrenaline-fueled experience. It’s probably time to go back there. Replay your hottest sex memories, and talk about your partner’s favorite moments from the past. Talking about the little details of these moments can significantly boost your sex life. These may be the things that connect you the most.

A majority of couples often find themselves in a sexual complacency cycle at some point in their relationship. Various factors are known to affect sex. Therefore, working on the physical challenges during a rut improves your sexual experiences and deepens your bond. 

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